


Calico

by SeparationBoundary



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Dreams, F/M, Hand Jobs, Hurt, Injury, Masturbation, Nightmares, Voyeurism, canonverse, masterbation in front of someone else, mentions of animal death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:31:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeparationBoundary/pseuds/SeparationBoundary
Summary: Levi is known for his taciturn, often belligerent air.  But when he dreams or fantasizes he’s a whole other person.  Now, he’s been badly injured and unconscious for days, his dreams have taken hold of his brain.  What are they trying to tell him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've explored some things in this fic that you might see in others of mine. Please be patient with me! I know it's redundant! I'm going to write the scenario(s) in different ways until I am satisfied. XD  
> Note: all underage characters are assumed to be aged up to legal. Every one else is canon age

Levi was dreaming.

Isobel was there and she’d found a cat, a half grown wad of patchwork colors.  Cats ate vermin and so were looked upon favorably in the underground.

_ Here Levi  _ couldn’t recall Isobel ever having a cat (though she brought home strays as pets all the time despite his and Farlan’s protests.)

He and Isobel were walking along the water, a place _Here Levi_ didn’t recognise.  Isobel carried the cat.   _There_ _Levi_ was trying to convince her not to get too attached because cats disappeared, took sick, or were killed all the time.

Isobel had that stubborn expression on her face.  The adorable one where she jutted out her jaw and pushed out her lip into a pout.

Abruptly _There_ _Levi_ looked down the embankment and into the water which showed his reflection.  Oddly, Isobel, despite being right beside him, didn’t have a reflection.

Neither did the cat.

_ Here Levi _ saw his reflection’s lips moving,

“Don’t you wish you could see that expression one more time?”   _ There Levi _ asked.

_ Here Levi  _ jerked awake, staring around, but Isobel wasn’t there.

Neither was the cat.

It had just been a dream.  Just a dream.

\---

Levi groaned.  Everything hurt.  He wondered, in a detached way, if he was dead.  Finally.

No.  If he hurt this badly he must be alive.  That or hell is really, well, hellish.

Something cool and soft touched his face and he made a startled sound.

He tried opening his eyes.

Big mistake.  The world was just bright, bright headache inducing light and slightly darker shadows.

“You don’t have to open your eyes, Captain,” said a low, soft voice.  The cool thing - it was damp - wiped across his brow.

“Fee … s G … oo.” he croaked.

He felt something against his lower lip, and then a tiny splash of cold liquid.  He swallowed painfully.  It was water and it instantly made his cracked lips, dry mouth and scratchy throat feel better.

“M ...ore.”

The cup obeyed.

\---

_ Two weeks previously: _

Levi was sprawled in one of the chairs in front of Erwin’s desk.  He had one leg slung over the armrest, a paper in one hand, and a glass of whiskey in the other.  Erwin was pacing slowly in front of the fire, also with a paper and a whiskey.

“And that’s about it,” Erwin said and sighed.  “We’ve got three new cadets …”

“Fuck, Erwin,” Levi said, “ _ Three _ ?  In a year we won't have enough warm bodies to go outside the walls at all.”

“Don’t be so negative, “ Erwin said, but his voice held no real chastisement,  “For what it’s worth, … wait …”  Erwin rustled through the papers on his desk.  Levi watched him and sipped his whiskey.  Erwin’s excitement was palpable.

“Where is it …?  Ahh!”

He brandished a paper.

Levi failed to look impressed.

“We got our Medic!”

Levi’s eyebrows shot up.

“Really?  That fast?”

Erwin nodded, “Pixis sent him over rather reluctantly, from the Garrison.”

Erwin leafed through the file, “Ahh, Müller, three year veteran, supposed to be very skilled at field surgery.  Already top of his squad in using 3DM gear.  Müller comes highly recommended.”

“Well that makes me feel  _ ever so much _ better,”

Erwin looked pointedly at him.

“Anyway, I’ll need you to train him as quickly as possible,”

Levi groaned and let his head hang back off the chair.

“Oh, joy.”

\---

Erwin sent word the next morning early, asking that Levi come to his office. Levi yawned as he walked down the chilly hallway.   His mind rummaged through memories of the past week. Had something gone wrong with the latest shipment of supplies?  Had one of his cadets done something stupid?  The latter was so probable that he decided that was it. 

Levi was so ready to partake of Erwin’s fire by the time he reached the door that he was  _ wanting _ a potential dressing down.  He was fucking freezing.

He knocked, then opened the door, and hesitated on the threshold.  

There was someone in Erwin’s office.  An erect someone, facing his desk, hands laced behind their back.  They wore a jacket with the twin roses of the Garrison embroidered on the back.  Levi recovered his composure and walked forward.

He realised suddenly the the Garrison soldier was a woman.  That back view of soft hips and ass was unmistakable.  She had a tight hourglass figure and her hair was lovely. Even pulled up into a messy bun he could see red and gold highlights shimmering in the morning sun on her dark brown hair.  Levi sat in the chair closest to the fire, looking curiously up at the woman.

Erwin entered from a side door carrying a tea service which he sat on the edge of hs desk.

“Ah, Levi!  This is Müller, Brigit Müller,”

Levi couldn’t place the name.  Then the twin roses and the name clicked together in his mind.

“Ah!”  Was all he could think of to say.

“Müller, Captain Levi will be training you for combat.  Report to him after lunch.’

“Very good sir.” Müller murmured. Her voice was low and warm.

“Any questions?” He raised his impressive brows at Levi who shook his head.

“You may go,” Erwin murmured, Müller saluted crisply and left.  She never looked at either man once.

Levi’s eyebrows were almost up to his hairline.

“Well, that was the most attractive man I’ve ever seen,” Levi said drily.

Erwin laughed, “I don’t know why I assumed she was a man.”

Levi sniffed, “How old is she?”

Erwin poured tea.  “28, I believe,”  He handed Levi a cup. 

Levi waited patiently for the inevitable.

“I hope she can face what she’ll see outside the wall.”  Erwin said in a strained voice, concerned about a soldier he didn’t even know yet.

Levi grunted and sipped his tea.  “I thought she was impressive.  I’ll bet she’ll be OK.”

Erwin seemed to come back to himself,

“Well, she’s supposed to have excellent character: smart, strong, fearless.  I think she will be a great asset.” Erwin said heartily.  “Remember Pixis spoke highly of her,”

Levi snorted, “yeah, I trust that drunk old goat!”

“Show some respect.  And let me know how she does.”  

\---

Levi quickly fell into a routine once he worked Brigit into his schedule.

They met in the mess right after breakfast every morning. Levi grunted a greeting, and then didn’t speak to her at all, except to snap out orders or requests.  He silently made his tea and sipped it before they rode to the training area. 

After a few days Levi sat down at a table to wait on Müller, letting his pot of tea steep in the meantime.  Suddenly Müller appeared at his elbow ... with a cup of tea.

Levi regarded it, frowning.

It wasn’t hers, she took cream.  It dawned and the frown upgraded to a scowl.

“You made my tea,” He said, low.

“I was trying to be helpful, sir.”

He didn’t look at her. 

“I didn’t ask you to make my tea for me, Müller.”

When she spoke it was respectful but icy,

“Pardon me, sir,”

She went to turn away but Levi caught the saucer, almost slopping the tea onto the floor.  They had a brief tug-of-war with the saucer.

“Don’t take it away, brat.  Let me at least try it,”  Müller gave it up.

Levi took a grave sip and his face settled into an impassive mask.

“This is … perfect,”

He looked up at her then,  _ really _ looked at her.  She had a not unattractive face, a small lush mouth, and skin that was tanned golden.  He’d already admired her hair, a thick mass of dark brown.  He was fascinated with her eyes.  They were hazel - green and gold - shrewd, and unreadable, and looking steadily into his.

“Thank you, sir,”

_ Her eyes really were remarkable. _

\---

Levi was dreaming:

Isobel was begging some milk from the old lady across the lane.  It was for her cat.   _There_ _Levi_ finally gave in and let her go over.

“D’ya know big brother that only girl cats are calico?”  she asked as if it was vitally important that she impart this fact before she fetched the milk.

_ There Levi _ smiled thinly and ruffled her hair.

Isobel ran across the cobbles to return the tin cup that had held the milk.

_ Here Levi  _ tried to call out, tried to warn her that she shouldn’t cross the lane when the calico was there.  The carriage and mounted messengers came thundering down the narrow space all night and all day.  If the calico saw Isabel crossing to get milk, she would cross too.

Just like Isobel had followed Levi.  Just like Petra. 

\---

Levi walked up under the tree where Hange was standing trying to get a little relief from the heat.  The cadets were out in the field on a patch where the grass had been worn away by many feet.  Large, loosely woven, sheets had been strung over poles to make a partially shaded area for them to practice.

“Oi!  How’s it going?  I’ve come to check on Müller.”  It was monday - they didn’t practice with the 3DM gear or spar over the week ends usually.

“OH, Levi! Everyone’s coming along fine.  Everyone will be ready to go on this next expedition.”

Hange hesitated, pushing at her glasses. 

“Uh, except, of course, Müller.”

Levi looked at her,

“Why the fuck not Müller?  Her 3dm training has come along well.”

Erwin joined them in the shade.

“Why not who?”

“Müller.  Hange says she’s not ready to go.” Levi said.

“How’s her 3dm training?” 

“Well since she already knew the basics we could get right into battle simulations,” Levi explained, “She’s fucking good.  And very strong.”

‘Whether she hits a titan dummy or a cadet,” Hange murmured.

Both men stared at her.

Hange gestured out into the field where Jean Kirstein was squared up against Brigit, who held both fists in front of her face and bounced on her toes.

“Her stance kinda reminds me of Annie Leonhardt’s” Hange mused out loud, “but whereas Annie’s skills were specifically to defend herself at her tiny size … ” The three of them watched Brigit land two heavy blows on Jean who was six inches taller and outweighed her.

“ … Brigit relies on brute strength and a little skill.”  Hange shrugged “She’s a big girl and has absolutely no fear.”

“Has there been another incident?” Erwin asked, frowning.

Hange seemed to think, “Nooo, not really.”

“There was an incident?” Levi asked.

Hange shrugged, “They were sparring and she knocked Eren Yeager out.”

Levi’s mouth dropped open.

“He’s completely unhurt, except for his pride, but Mikasa went almost insane.”

“How is she with you, Levi?” Erwin asked, brows drawn down.

“Fine.  Taciturn as hell.  Never talks.  But concentrates on her practice.  She’s tall but strong, like Hange said.  She can nail a miscalculated landing that would hurt like fuck on anybody else.  Her maneuvering isn't the most elegant but it’s accurate.” Levi replied.  He mused for a moment,  “When she hits the titan dummies she cuts the padding down to the wood.”

Erwin’s eye widened,

“No one’s done that since Mike.”

Levi shrugged.

“So what’s the latest thing, Hange?” Erwin asked,

Hange cringed, clearly hoping he wouldn’t ask.

“Welll … she does have some skill as I said, and she was up against Reiner and had hit him twice in the face, when he really started coming after her.  He’s way too big for her to take in an all out brawl. So she waited for a big windup and dodged it.  Reiner went face down and lost his temper.  Before I could get there, he’s gotten up and slugged her.”

Levi opened his mouth but the cadets were shouting.

Everyone was milling about the field, churning up the dust so that it hung in the afternoon air, filtering the sunlight. Silhouetted through the gauzy, tan-colored, haze was Brigit, hands by her sides, standing over a lump that was, presumably, Jean Kirstein.

Hange hurried out onto the field.

Erwin sighed, clapped Levi on the shoulder, and walked away.

Levi stood, lips parted, arms crossed, watching.

\---

Levi started when Brigit arrived from the kitchen the next morning, his tea in hand. She was as she always was, neat, tidy, clean, but her lip had been split and dark purple bruise marred her left cheekbone.

“Müller!”

“Sir?”

Levi gestured wordlessly at her face.

“Sparring with the cadets.”

_ “Kirstein _ did that to you?”

“Reiner, sir,”

Levi frowned.  He’d thought that her fight with Reiner had been days ago.

“So you fought Kirstein when you were already injured?”

Brigit shrugged,

Neither said any more about it and the rest of the day went as usual.

At the end of the day Jean Kirstein rode out to the training area and delivered a dispatch to Levi.  Levi watched sidelong as Jean went up to Brigit.  He frowned.  

_ Why would they interact when Müller beat him down yesterday? _

“Hey, Brige,”

Brigit smiled a tiny smile.

“Ahh I bruised you.” she said, brushing her fingertips over his jaw, “Sorry,”

“That’s OK.”  He blushed and tentatively reached out and touched her face, as well, lingering just a second, rubbing her jaw with his thumb.

“Sorry about Reiner,”

“It’s no big deal,”

Apparently strong women were a turn on for Kirstein.  Levi had heard that he was hung up on Mikasa at some point.

Jean rubbed the back of his neck and shifted nervously, “Hey, I ...uh … I was, uh, wondering if you’d like to eat with the cadets today?  You could sit with me.”

Brigit raised an eyebrow.

“C’mon!” Jean said, “Eren likes you, he doesn’t give a shit that you knocked him out, and Reiner’s getting over it.  He got his lick in and I think he’s a little ashamed of how badly he hurt you. Mikasa-”

“Jean.”

“Well, she will-”

“Jean.”

Jean looked at her, and Levi - who had studied the whole exchange - was fascinated by the look on the cadet’s face, in his eyes.

_ He’s attracted to her.  _

Levi felt something strange, something tight in his insides.

“I can’t, Jean. Captain Levi and I have work to finish.”

Jean shot Levi a look then, very quick but a look that made the older man’s eyes go wide.

_ Anger? Hatred? No ... Jealousy.  The boy is jealous of me?  Why? _


	2. Chapter 2

Levi was dreaming:

 

He was on a downed tree, something that gave him some two meters of elevation.  He was gesturing at a crowd of oncoming titans.  Brigit was there, on the ground.  He kept saying to her, “Just jump in one's mouth, just pick one and hop in.  Then I’ll never hurt you!  I’ll never have the chance!  Trust me!”

_ There Brigit _ , who always held her own council in the  _ Here _ , looked bright eyed at the titans, picking a particularly big and ugly one to eat her.

_ Here Levi _ was terrified, he couldn’t speak to take the words back.  He was struggling with unseen hands.

_ Please no.  Don’t let Müller die, too.  Why am I afraid I’ll hurt Müller?  I’d never hurt Müller. _

Everything shifted and Levi was back in the underground.  He stood in the cobbled road looking down on the dead calico.  She lay in a puddle of blood.  She’d made the wrong choice, a choice she must have regretted, following someone she trusted.

Levi didn’t want Isobel to see the body so he lifted the small bloody furry corpse toward a burlap sack he held.  Before he was able to drop the horrible patchwork thing he noticed that her eyes were open, though dulled in death.  

One eye was blue.  One eye was gold. 

Had he fed the calico to the carriages?  Could he have tried harder to keep her safe?  Maybe locked her up …

Blue and gold. Calico.  So many colors, so many choices

\---

There was no training the next day, some bigwigs from central were coming in so Levi had to attend.  He was now sat on a low wall under a shady tree, waiting for the circus to start when Müller appeared.

She extended some paperwork.  “Hange asked me to give you this.”

Levi sighed.

“Do we have to?”

“Due in the morning, Sir,”

Brigit sat next to him on the wall and produced a quill and ink.

Levi sighed again.

“Fucking paperwork,” Levi grumbled almost to himself. “Man can’t take a good shit without filing paperwork on it.”

Brigit jerked beside him and he realised she was laughing silently.

They sat in silence.  Him checking and signing, her blotting and stacking.

When they were done, Müller stood.  “I’ll take them to Hange, sir.”

“Very good, Müller.”  He said absently.  He was looking up at her, at the sunlight dappling her face and hair.

“You may as well come back.” He said, “One of these pigs might stumble getting out of his fancy ass carriage and bust his stupid head open.”

Müller saluted and left.

 

Brigit was back in minutes with a tray, tea set, biscuits, sugar, cream.

“Ahh, thank you.” Levi purred approvingly, “I was …”

Levi froze, scowling.

“Müller,” Levi said, sharply. “You've brewed the tea?”

“Yes sir”

“Making the tea is  _ my _ job, brat.  It has to be done just right.”

“I’m sorry sir, I wanted to lighten your load since you go outside the walls tomorrow.”

Levi scowled again but didn't know what to say.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

Levi’s heart missed a beat.  

_ Surprise him?  _

The tea smelled lovely and Brigit extended her hand with his teacup and saucer.

“Try it,” She said, face showing no expression, “If it’s bad I’ll heat more water and you can remake it.”

Levi scowled for a moment more, then took the tea.  He sipped at it.  It was sweet and hot and … and  _ dear god it was perfect _ .  If he didn't know better he would have sworn he’d made it himself.

She must have payed  _ very  _ close attention to replicate the precise way he liked his tea.

An unreadable expression crossed his face, one that had rarely sat there.

Levi was flustered.  He was shit at dealing with people in general, and women specifically, and the fairer sex generally gave his hopelessly awkward ass a wide berth.  To have an able soldier and pretty woman perform a service unsolicited (now why did that sound dirty?  Levi frowned to himself) was a first.

Müller set the tray down behind the low wall and resumed her seat next to Levi.  She held her own cup (lots of cream and a little sugar for her) and sipped while watching some of the cadets sweeping the stone courtyard.

Levi was not watching anything but her.  Her blue-gold eyes assessing everything.  He had suddenly noticed how close Müller sat.  He cut his eyes at her.  Her unruly hair had already begun to come down, silky, curvy, tendrils over her face and neck.  One even reached out for him, settling on his shoulder like it liked him.

The only level bit of wall - where they sat - was quite small.  She was very close.  Her hip and left arm brushed his.

Levi was finding it difficult to breathe  

She was so soft.  Ahh, and he could smell her.  The distinctive smell of his tea clung to her along with the clean smell of soap and her own warm female scent.

Levi gravely sipped his tea and wished the Central pigs would get there.  Soon.

\---

Levi was dreaming:

 

He was in a fancy drawing room in full uniform.  Erwin was there and Müller.  There was a woman, a little older than him.

Levi knew that this woman, Marie, had been engaged to Erwin at one point.  He watched her as she gently wafted around the room, dispensing tea and sugar and cream and biscuits and gossip and ridiculously tiny napkins with hand tatted lace.  By the time Levi got a biscuit, his tea was cold.

He sighed.

Then Nile was there.  Erwin shook his hand, and Nile pecked his wife’s cheek.

Is this what it’s like to be married?  Levi wondered, all entertaining and trying to impress and acting unnatural?  After so few years were any married couple reduced to cheek-pecks?

Levi cut his eyes at Brigit who sat calm and composed, sipping tea.

Levi tried to imagine being married.  His wife wouldn’t wear those ridiculous clothes, those dresses.  She’d wear trousers if she wanted to and he’d enjoy getting to admire her ass.

His wife would make his tea every morning and it would be perfect.  His wife wouldn't tke any shit from him no matter how bad a mood he was in.

Levi glanced at Brigit again,

Wives did other stuff too.  You could kiss them whenever you wanted and … and … at night, in bed …

Levi cleared his throat.

Nile was going on about something, levi wasn't sure what.  He and Erwin and Marie were standing close and Nile was showing off a string of pearls around his wife’s neck.

Levi’s thoughts went to Brigit’s neck, how her skin would feel against his mouth.  How it would taste.

He shot another glance her way and almost dropped his drink.  Brigit was looking alertly at Marie, lips parted, eyes hungry.  But it wasn't Marie, it was the pearls.

_ She likes the pearls. _

_ I guess even potential badass titan-killing machines love beautiful things. _

Levi frowned down into his drink.  Captains in the Survey Corps didn’t make enough money to afford pearls.

He glanced at the wall where an ornate gilded mirror hung.   _ There Levi  _ stared at him.   _ Here Levi _ abruptly knew this was a dream.   _ There Levi _ was different this time, ragged, bloody.  

_ What happened to me?  What did that mean?  Why am I here and he’s there?  It’s the wrong way around.  He should be in the dream. _

It was very disturbing.  _  Here Levi  _ watched his reflection's lips move, leaning forward, listening for a clue as to what had made  _ There Levi _ bloody and bruised, torn and ragged.  His reflection spoke,

_ “What the hell are pearls?” _

  
  


Now:

_ Here Levi  _ struggled up out of the darkness, trying to break the grip of the  _ There _ .  He hurt.  

He tried opening his eyes, more blinding light.  He closed his eyes to slits and opened them slowly.  Finally things came into view.

It was dark and cold.  There was a campfire burnt down to glowing cinders.  A figure lay beside it, almost in the ashes, shivering.  The person wore only their white shirt and trousers and 3DM straps.  No wonder they were cold.

Levi sat back, exhausted from that tiny bit of effort.

He realised that he was not cold.

He blearily examined himself.  He had his uniform jacket and cape spread over him and another jacket and cape over his legs.

He suddenly understood why the person next to the fire was cold.

\---

One week ago:

Levi had finished standing in Erwin’s shadow as he schmoozed the big-wigs and was in his office doing his pre-expedition routine.  He shouted at most people and snapped at the rest, triple checked everything, reminded anyone not going to keep the place clean.  He sent Müller scurrying on a dozen errands and reminded her a dozen times what to do while he was gone.

But as one o’clock approached, Levi had gotten quiet.

He felt restless.  He couldn’t quite pin it down.  He was distracted.  At one point he found himself studying Brigit’s dark brown hair, with it’s red-gold highlights glinting, as she stood in a beam of sunlight slanting in the window.  Dust motes drifted around her in the slice of light and Levi thought it made her look otherworldly.

Finally he recognised this feeling.  He was strung as tight as a violin string because their next mission outside the walls was tomorrow morning. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time.   He needed an outlet.  He needed _ release _ .

Levi excused himself on the pretense of getting lunch and headed on the long walk towards his room.

 

When Levi jerked off, his fantasies were vague.  He’d had sex before; fumbling, hesitant, sex, so he knew the mechanics.  It wasn’t the sex part that befuddled him but the interacting-with-another-human part.  He hadn’t actually had sex with another person in a while - he refused to seek prostitutes.  It shamed him that he thought of them as filthy; his mother had been one.  He just couldn’t shake the revulsion.

As a matter of fact, he’d never had a sexual relationship of any kind.  One offs, sure, but never anything beyond.

Levi was capable of seeing attractiveness: Erwin and Mike were attractive, Petra Ral had been adorably cute, Mikasa Ackerman was as close to a type as he got; talented, self possessed, as sarcastic as himself.

But when Levi tried to wrap his mind around actually participating in a sexual relationship he sort of choked down. 

In his limited experience, sure, sex felt good.  For about 10 minutes,  But his left hand felt good too.  And when there was another person you had to worry about their feelings, about whether you were doing it right.  (He hated that part.  He always assumed he wasn’t doing it right.) You had to talk to them.  Talk  _ nicely _ to them.

Levi could talk about training, expeditions, and fighting titans.  He could talk to Erwin about the higher ups, the nobles, and the web of politics.  He could talk to Hange about … whatever it was that she was talking about that second.

What do you talk about to someone you want to have sex with?

 

Normally, when he was pleasuring himself, his mind wandered through shadowy fantasies.  Often of his fellow Corps members: Erwin, Mike, Nanaba.  He’d once tried to fantasize about Hange but that hadn’t ended well.  The brats in the 104th sometimes caught his mind, Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman, the spunky Sasha Braus, but he generally shied away because they were just so young.  It sort of squicked him out.

But today Brigit was stuck in his brain like a burr.

 

Finally he reached his room, slipping inside and locking the door.

He pulled at his belt and crossed to the bathroom, grabbing a towel and some lube and sinking down against the door as soon as he closed it.

He fumbled his hard cock out, squirted some lube on, and began stroking himself.  His hands were shaking with want.

Despite being circumcised, he had enough foreskin to slide over his glans and he did, occasionally rolling his palm over the head, gathering pre-cum.  He squeezed and stroked and was soon moaning at the delicious sensations.  He slowed, sweeping his hand over the head, teasing himself.  He groaned with need.  His breath got ragged and harsh and he closed his eyes and leaned his head back.  He imagined it was someone else pleasuring him, with their hand, with their mouth, making him feel good because they cared about him.

He was jerking off faster now, grunting with each pull, his dick flushed red, glistening with precum.  His hand made deliciously obscene sounds.

_ Oh, Maria, he needed this. _

That familiar heat coiled in his pelvis.  He was very close.  His fantasies played across his mind.  Of Brigit.

Brigit’s eyes, her nice ass, her lips, her glorious hair. Unbidden, his  mind imagined her soft flesh bare, imagined that he had permission to kiss, to lick, to suck … anywhere, imagined her soft strong hand on his cock, stroking him just right.

“You feel so good,” He whispered into the empty room.

He was trembling now, almost stuttering out of rhythm, bucking up into his fist each time it came down.  His frantic thoughts ran back to Brigit.

_ What would her hand really feel like on his eager dick?  I wonder what her nipples are like? How would they taste in my mouth … ?” _

Levi cried out when he came, gasping Müller’s name, jerking as his hot cum landed on the towel he’d strategically placed over his lap and thighs.  He shuddered a few times and had to fight to get his breath back.  He let his hand, covered in his release, flop wetly onto the floor.

He leaned his head back against the bathroom door, panting.

_ Shit, shit and damn! _

He hadn’t had an orgasm like that in … well, he couldn't remember.

He would like to do that again. 

He groaned at the thought that he’d just jerked off to the image of his tough, silent, and promising trainee jacking his dick.  He sighed.  Levi was pretty sure someone as strong and talented as Brigit would never choose to bring off a tiresome old fart like him.

\---

Levi came into the mess after breakfast as usual even though they were going outside the walls that day.  Brigit had the kettle on and the teapot out and washed.

“Müller,”

“Heichou,”

Five minutes later Brigit set a cup of tea at his elbow.  He sipped it.  It was perfect.  As always.  He stared into the amber stuff, watching a stray tea leaf whirl and spin.  He felt like Brigit could read his mind or smell it on him like Mike could, his feverishly jerking off, thinking of her hand on his cock.

_ Maria!  What the hell was I thinking? _

But he remembered, in exquisite detail, what he had been thinking and his sharp cheekbones flushed faintly pink.

He had his pre-expedition list in his lap and was pretending to consult it but was, in fact, studying Brigit out of the corner of his eye.

Erwin walked in.

“Levi, would you please inspect the larder when we return?  Either we have a thief or vermin.”

“We might have to lock Sasha Braus in at night.” Levi said without looking up.

“Brigit!” Erwin said, “Thank you for the coffee.” His voice dropped to an intimate murmur, “You make it perfectly.”

Levi twitched.  He looked sidelong at his cup of tea and frowned.

_ What? _

He looked up at Brigit and Erwin standing close together speaking in low tones.  His chest felt funny and he rubbed absently under the fall of his cravat.

_ Why was she making Erwin’s coffee?  She was supposed to be making Levi’s tea.  She made tea for him.  She always made his tea. _

Erwin put his hand on Brigit’s shoulder and she smiled.

Levi suddenly felt … Confused?  Angry?  Something.


	3. Chapter 3

“Where the fuck are those reports with the numbers of aberrations ?”  Levi called. Brigid had stacks of papers all along the wide windowsill. 

“Hang on,” she crossed to a table, searching,

“Hange is gonna be pissed if we lost it,”

“I have it!”

“Oh, thank Maria.”

They were both in Levi’s office, scrambling to file all the paperwork before Levi headed out on expedition.

Müller had followed Levi behind his desk, right on his heels, when he suddenly turned.

“Ahh, Shit, Müller!”

“Captain.”

They were standing in the tiny space, facing each other.

Levi was trying to breathe. He could see her pulse racing in her throat.

_ Probably waiting for the skeezy old fuck to get away from her. _

“Captain …”

Levi looked up at her, startled.  He’d forgotten how soft and low her voice could be.  He licked his lips, and stared at her mouth.  He really, really wanted to kiss her.  

_ No.  That was wrong.  Not just kiss her.  He wanted to grab her hair and push his tongue into her mouth, shove her against a wall and press his body against hers.  He wanted to make her his.  Mark her neck so that everyone would know. _

“Were you going to say something, sir?” she asked.  

Ok, the voice was making him crazy.

“I …I’m not very good at this.” He growled.

“At w-what?”  she was clearly taken aback “ … what did you want to do, Sir?”  She sounded apprehensive, as if he might want to do something weird.

Levi swallowed, “Do?”

_ I want to kiss you.  I want to lick all over you.  I want to touch you everywhere.  I want to fuck you.  God, how I want to fuck you.  You have no idea how badly. _

He cleared his throat.  He had never admitted any of that to himself before that moment.

“Nothing Müller.” he snapped, “Get back to work, soldier.”

\---

 

It was mid morning and the Survey Corps was almost fully present and in formation.  Erwin looked at his pocket watch for the tenth time.  He was waiting on Hange.

Levi sat his horse and tried not to shrivel up and die of boredom.

He never got the chance to even begin shriveling.

Moblit rushed into the square.

“Commander!”

He got to Erwin’s horse and they had a brief whispered conversation.

“Damn!”

Whoa it had to be urgent to get Erwin to curse. Levi watched with interest.

“Moblit!  Tell Hange to come on!” his horse was shifting and backing anxiously, 

“ _ And get me Müller! _ ”

Levi almost choked on his own spit. “Erwin!  We agreed that she needed more training!”

“Can’t be helped!  Josten and Hobbes are ill and can’t come.  We need her!”

Moments later Hange and Müller appeared.

Levi waved Müller over and she edged her horse sideways.  To Levi’s right was a tall, handsome, black haired man, mounted and geared up.

“Zeifeldt,” Levi said shortly, “New cadet,”

They nodded at one another and both blushed faintly.  Levi noticed.

“Oh yeah, what a lovely couple,” he snarled, “Fucking pay attention you two.  You can screw like rabbits later.”

Zeifeldt got redder and Müller’s expression was as clear and still as a koi pond.

“Stick with me.” he told them.  “Both of you.  Stick close to me and stay calm.”

Brigit took up behind and to the left of Levi. She looked perfectly serene.

\---

They had galloped for hours and had seen no titans.  They were getting to the point where they would have to turn back in order to make it back to the gate by nightfall.

A huge wood was coming up, trees towering into the sky, and Erwin split the troops.  

“Hange’s squad left, Mike’s squad right!  Loop around the woods.  If you don't see any titans, get back to the gate!”

Mike looked as if he was about to say something but he exchanged a look with Hange and kept on.

“Kirstein, Springer, you’re with me,” Erwin yelled.  “Levi?”  he gestured and Levi nodded.  They were splitting the woods into thirds.

Levi, Müller, and Zeifeldt thundered in toward the enormous trees.

 

The titans seemingly came out of thin air.

The first appeared from behind a tree so suddenly that Levi’s horse stumbled into the thing’s leg.  Fortunately Levi (and his horse) had been doing this for awhile.  Levi rolled left and his horse rolled right, scrambling to his feet and galloping off.

Levi quickly assessed the situation from the ground, there were at least 4 or 5 titans.

_ Why the fuck are they hiding out in the woods? _

Just as Levi gripped his triggers to shoot out his anchors, Brigit’s horse, riderless, thundered past, following Levi’s

She was in the trees.

Or eaten.

Levi fired his anchors and swung upwards.

He spun easily and targeted the Titan who had stepped in front of him.

In moments it was down.

Levi swung through the trees towards the sounds of fighting.

To his great pride two titans were on the ground and steaming away.

Müller and Zeifeldt were after an enormous titan with no nose, long arms and deadly aim.  Müller, as he watched, cut all the fingers off of one of the titan’s hands for the third time.  Zeifeldt swung and jumped from tree to tree but the titan seemed to be trying to face him at all cost.

_ That’s an abnormal, too _

_ What the hell is going on? _

Levi zipped forward.  Zeifeldt did as well and they passed each other in midair, going in opposite directions.  It was a gorgeous move.  Zeifeldt graciously giving up the field to Levi.

But the long-armed abnormal had different ideas.  It brought one arm up abruptly, faster than it seemed like it should be able to move.  Levi prayed that Zeifeldt had gotten out of range.  But it wasn’t going after them.

The ugly thing’s freakishly long arm caught both men’s cables, jerking them back and up.  Levi was hurled unceremoniously into a tree and fell the 5 or 6 metres to the ground.  The titan had Zeifeldt by one ankle and made as if to eat him.  Zeifeld slashed at it’s noseless face, cursing.

Then Müller arrived.  She cut the titan’s nape as quickly and efficiently as she made tea and as brutally as she knocked down cadets.  Like she was born to do it.

The abnormal’s grip loosened on Zeifeldt as it fell, and the young man fell to the forest floor.

Müller hit the ground hard, but on her feet.  She stood, bent over, gasping and panting, trying to calm her heart and catch her breath.

Zeifeldt was just ahead of her, a gruesomely tangled thing.  Müller came close.

Amid 3dm gear was Zeifeldt.  He thankfully seemed alright in a broad sense of the word.  Müller unstrapped him and dragged him into a deep “v” formed by roots at the foot of an enormous tree.

She turned and took a deep breath.  Now to find Heichou.

Unlike the lanky Zeifeldt, Levi looked small and bedraggled, like a cat who’d been run down in the road.  He was covered in blood.

Müller resolutely dragged him back.

 

No more titans showed themselves and it began to get dark.  Müller found by happy chance that water collected in the dips in a tree’s roots, the bowl formed of a broad leaf, and the fissures in rock.

Cursing her luck that her medical kit was wherever her horse was, Müller set herself the task of cleaning and tending the two wounded men.   She proceeded methodically, tearing the two men’s aprons and her own cloak into strips.  She bathed their wounds and tied them up as best she could - a medic with no supplies.

As darkness fell she made a fire.  There seemed to be no sign of titans, or Erwin, or indeed, the survey corps.

 

In the early hours of morning, before dawn, Müller hauled each man up onto her back, and, with the help of the 3Dgear doggedly hoisted herself and them - one at a time - into the massive branches of a tree.

Moments after sunrise more titans appeared.

 

Sunrise - A dozen furlongs away.

 

Erwin was pacing and Hange was following him, talking and gesturing.

“What could have happened?” Hange said.  “All three horses came back!  Müller’s still had her medkit on it.  It had to be titans!” They wrung their hands, “We have to go after them!” 

“And we will.  Let me try to work out a plan!”

“They could be dead,” Mike said sadly, “Would it be worth --”

Erwin had stopped pacing and now glowered at the squad leader.

“Levi is  _ not _ dead.”

“And neither is Brigit!”  That was Jean Kirstein who shrank back when the Commander looked at him, afraid he’d gone too far.

But Erwin smiled.

He crossed to the young man and clapped a big hand down on his shoulder.

“I appreciate you confidence in your fellow Survey Corps members and I’m inclined to think you’re right.”

“Hange, Mike, get together a squad, maybe six or eight soldiers, and make sure their equipment is in good repair!  Tanks full!  Blades sharp!”  He smiled at Hange, “Let's go find our medic, our cadet, and not least, our squad Captain.”

\---

Brigit mopped Zeifeldt’s forehead with a wet rag.  He was burning up.  When he fell he’d managed to land on one of this 3D gear’s anchors and the wound was swollen, hot, red, and oozing pus.  She cleaned it out every hour and fervently wished she carried a flask of alcohol.  She resolved to acquire a flask and some whisky as soon as she got back.

If she got back.

It had been four days now.

Levi was resting fairly easily.  His left leg and left arm were fractured.  Brigit had used two dull blades and another broken in half as splints tied on to both limbs tight with strips of her cloak.  He also had an ugly head wound but she hoped it wasn’t serious.  He had stirred, spoken in his sleep, even tried to open his eyes.

Brigit had managed to kill a large tree viper and had been eating the flesh for days now.  She had been feeding both men tiny bites but Zeifeld had stopped eating a day ago.

 

As the new day wore on and the titans grabbed and clawed at the tree they were in, Brigit got increasingly worried.  Zeifeld was now delirious and Brigit couldn’t get any water down his throat.  As it was she had actually bound him up in gear wires to keep him as still as possible.

The viper meat was gone.  Her stomach rumbled.  

The titans below were joined by a handful more.  

The day plodded on.  

Levi was still unconscious.

 

Levi was dreaming:

 

The calico was dead

And Isabel was dead.

_ Here Levi _ caught his own reflection in a window,  _ There Levi’ _ s lips moving even though  _ Here Levi  _ wasn’t speaking.

“They died being soldiers for _ you,” _ His reflection said, stabbing a finger at him,  _ “ _ They trusted you, they followed you - they all followed you - and you let them get killed.”

\---

Levi hurt.  Everything hurt.  His left side was on fire.  It even hurt to breathe.  His left arm and leg were vortices of pain, sharp and stabbing.

He had to wake up. 

He had to get away. 

He had to flee these dreams and this pain.  

He struggled, and his hurt places lit up in agony.  Abruptly there was a soft and warm and low voice.

“It’s OK, Captain Levi, Sir.  It’s ok,”

Levi opened his eyes.  Like before everything was hazy and swam in and out of focus.

Something soft and cool and wet swept over the skin of his face.  He blinked again and Müller came into sharp focus.

“Welcome back,” she said and smiled.  Levi tried to remember what had happened, struggled to untangle memory from dream.  Oh, sweet Maria.  He’d tried to get Müller to let a titan eat her.  That hadn’t really happened had it?  Levi shivered.

“I’ll be right back,” Müller said, “I'll get you some water.”

As she moved away he took in that he was on a massive tree branch, that Zeifeldt was alive and there, that he himself was badly hurt and remembered how he got hurt.  Now he understood why the  _ There _ him had been bloody and ragged.  He let his head fall back.

Then he heard them.

The animal grunts and moans of Titans.  Of course.  That’s why they were up in the huge trees.  How long had they been here?

Levi closed his eyes and could hear the scraping, scratching noise of the titans’ mindless attempts to get up the tree.

_ Fuck.  I have led her out here and now she will die.  Just like all the rest.  Because I couldn’t fucking do my fucking job right and got hurt. _

He opened his eyes and sipped the water Müller held.  When he raised his right hand to steady the folded leaf that Müller was using for a cup he put his hand over hers.  

_ I can’t protect any of them.  I’m fucking useless.   _

_ I wish I could have kissed her. _

Levi dozed off again.

 

He was dreaming:

It was the damned calico again.  It was alive and Levi had it in a small box with wooden dowels making up one side so that she had air and light.

Despite that, the cat was drooping apathetically, more dead than alive.

He wondered where Isobel was, why she wasn’t caring for her damned cat.  They’d never locked the little thing up, ever, if he remembered correctly.

“Why lock her up?”

_ There Levi _ spun around.  It was Kenny.  Kenny whom he hadn’t seen since he’d walked out of Levi’s life when he was young.

“What?”

“Locked up.  Why do you have your pussy locked up?”  Kenny laughed at his own lame wit.

“I didn’t lock her up,” Levi said.

“Then why do you have the key in your hand?”

Levi looked stupidly down into his hand and, sure enough, there was a small brass key.  Levi looked wildly up at his uncle.

“I’m trying to keep her safe!”

“She’s safe alright but she’s just dying slowly in there.”

Levi looked desperately at the box, at the listless cat, at the busy street right outside the window.

“I’m keeping her safe,” he said faintly.

When he turned back, Kenny was gone.

There Levi stood, looking around the room, looking for something - even he didn't know what.  Finally he found it; his tiny shaving mirror.

His reflection was just that, his reflection.

“What do I do?” he asked himself, “Where are you?!  I’m you and you’re me and I don’t know what to do!”  his reflection never said a word but he saw movement behind him.

Levi turned around.

His mother was crouched by the box, trying to coax the cat up to the bars.

“Mama,” Levi whispered.

She looked up at him and smiled, just like he remembered her before she got sick; milky, smooth, skin and black hair.  Before she could speak he did,

“I want to keep her safe,” he said defensively.

“But this is not what she wants,” Kuchel said softly.

“What _ she wants _ ?  She’s a cat!”

“A cat, a child, a friend, a lover.  Where does it end?”

Levi just stared, his mouth open.

“She didn't choose this.  You made this decision for her and that’s not only not fair, it’s selfish,”

Levi’s hands curled into fists.

“It’s selfish to want to keep the things you love from being killed?!”

“If you really loved them, you would let them decide.  Trust them to make their own choices.”

There Levi bent his head and, after a while, hot tears dripped off of his chin.

“I cant … I cant … do it again, Mama.  I can't lose anyone else.  Not Müller.  Not her.  She makes tea perfectly, Mama.”

When he looked up, his mother had gone.  He was not sure she had heard him at all.  When he looked at the calico, opening her box with the key, telling himself that he was doing the right things, making the right choices, she was dead.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi awoke with a cry.  Müller, cooking something delicious smelling over the fire, started and stared at him.

“I’m OK, I’m OK,” he said, “Just a bad dream.”

Now that Levi was awake, Brigit could range farther afield in search of food.  She found a clump of greens that grew, like bromeliads, in the forks of trees , some herbs, and another tree viper, although not as big.

That was the good smell.

Levi sat up with difficulty.  The image of his dead mother was burnt into his brain.  He’d love to have talked to her about anything, his life, the corps, but instead they’d conversed about a dead cat.

Levi sighed.

 

They had just finished eating - the first real meal Levi had had in five days - and Levi was feeling much more human.  He still hurt, of course but he was full, he was mending, and his two soldiers were alive and they were safe for now.

He occupied himself watching Müller.

She was tending to Zeifeldt whose fever had broken, thank Maria.  He was still out but his temp was down and his breathing almost normal.

Levi hummed in appreciation as Müller bent over her fellow soldier.  Her ass was really quite nice.

Levi was startled when his cock woke up at the thought.

_ Well. _

Müller had just finished cleaning out Zeifeldt’s wound when she crossed to him with a big leaf-cup and a rag.

“You’re not going to enjoy this, captain,” She said. “I have to clean your wound.”

“Just get on with it brat,”

Müller smiled.  Heichou was feeling better.

The cleaning wasn’t pleasant but it was bearable and as an added bonus, Müller had unbuttoned the top three buttons of her shirt giving him a glorious view of soft cleavage.

He imagined sucking a pink nipple into his mouth, her moaning under him.

He was definitely getting hard.

“OK, heichou you were very brave,”

Levi scowled and she smiled.

“Would you like me to move you?  So you’re not looking at the same leaves?”

“All the leaves look the fucking same,” 

Müller laughed then, a brief, happy, sound that he’d never heard.

“OK so what would you like to do now, then?”

_ I would like to kiss you.  I’d like to see how well i could fuck you with a broken arm and leg. _

He stayed obstinately quiet.

“Right.  Then don’t cry to me later when you get bored with your leaves.”

She crossed to the fire, adding a few lengths of dried bark.

Levi suddenly felt unlike himself, sassy, capricious.  He’d almost died, and would have if it wasn't for this trainee.  And he was still gonna die because the survey corps should have found them by now.  If they had sent out a search party they’d have called it back days ago.  He felt like it was he who was delirious.  He was going to get to see this woman, whom he had feelings for, die.  Just like all the rest.

“What if I don’t get bored of my leaves?” he called, suddenly, his voice unnaturally high, “What if I sit here and be good?”

Levi’s cock throbbed. 

_ If I’m a good boy can I fuck you? _

Müller looked at him speculatively.

“You can’t sit there all day!  You’ll go mad!”

“What if I do, though?  Can I get a kiss?”

Levi smirked boldly.

Müller was clearly surprised.  She crouched by the fire, head turned toward him, eyes wide.

_ Oh, crap.  Have I fucked up? She doesn’t think of me that way, I’ll bet.  Probably wants Zeifeldt between those strong thighs ... _

“I … uh … Heichou …”

She had blushed beautifully.

“Maybe,” she said softly, concentrating on the fire. 

 

Levi didn’t have the chutzpah to be so bold again.  She brought him water, cleaned his wound, but when she looked at him it was shyly, almost embarrassed.

That only turned him on.

Finally, on day six, as she cooked breakfast Levi just had to say something.  The Survey Corps wasn’t here; Erwin hadn’t come.  He just wanted to feel her soft skin, her lips before he died.

“Please,” he said, sass gone, “Please, Müller.  I want to kiss you,”

She went pink and Levi’s dick stood up at attention.

Finally, she rose slowly and came over to him.  She sat next to him on his left, so that their legs stretched out in the same direction and their shoulders brushed.

She took a deep breath,

He was reminded of the day they had sat together on the wall.

“Say that again,”  She murmured.  

“What?  That I want to kiss you?” he was snarling the words, desperate, “That I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time?  That I want to …”  Levi’s bravado petered out and he was embarrassed.

“I want to kiss you.”  he concluded lamely.

Their kiss was slow but not gentle, they kissed each other with almost desperation, tongues dancing, hands wandering.

At that moment Zeifeldt moaned.  Müller was gone in a moment, checking on him.

She was back quickly. She had a determined lookon her face that made levi wonder if he should be excited or aprehensive.

_ Shit.  Excited?  Apprehensive? _

She held his hand and took a deep breath.

Levi braced himself for the worst, searching her face,

She spoke so softly he almost didnt hear.

“Will you … will you show me how  _ you _ do it?”

“Do it, brat?”  

_ Do what?  They both knew he couldn't ‘perform’ with two broken limbs.  Did she mean ... _

Levi’s mouth opened, closed.

_ Oh my dear god _

“How I … do it?  To ...  _ myself? _ ”

Müller nodded.

_ She was asking him to jerk off while she watched. _

It was insanely arousing and confusing to Levi.  He wasn’t sure he could just masterbate in front of a woman, especially  _ this _ woman whom he wanted to fuck so badly.  It seemed counterintuitive.

He kissed her again, earning a wanton moan.  He pulled back reluctantly.

“Why?  Why do you want to see me … do that?”

Müller went scarlet and studied her own hands.

“I … I’ve never seen you interact with anyone,” she said, “Just the vets … and me.  You don't seem to  _ have _ anybody …”

Levi tentatively tried kissing her neck, snaking his right arm around her.

“Uhm-hum,” he said, distracted by her flesh.

“So, I figured - oh!” she tipped her chin back for him, “I figured that you … I imagined you …”

“Pleasing myself?”

Brigit nodded.  “I wanted to see what made you happy.”

“You make me happy,” Levi murmured, kissing her again, his hand automatically rubbing at the growing erection tenting his trousers.

“Please?” She whispered.

_ Fuck it.  We might be dead tomorrow. _

Levi unzipped and fished out his now fully hard member one handed.

Müller made a little noise, a tiny moan, when she saw his cock.

Levi was rock hard.  The excitement of her watching overcame any inhibitions he might have had.  He stroked himself slowly, watching her face.

The little moan again and she licked her lips.

_ Fuck _ .

He picked up the tempo, his hand making small wet sounds.

He was already close.

Abruptly her hand was over his.  He hissed in a startled, delighted breath.  He switched their positions, his hand over hers.

Her hand felt so fucking good on his dick, so warm, so soft.

He tremblingly showed her how he liked it, when to squeeze, when to sweep her palm over the head.

She was a fast learner and in moments was deftly jerking him off, her lower lip caught in her teeth in concentration.

“F-fuck, I’m close …”  Levi said, his voice a low growl.  Watching her get him off was incredibly erotic.  He’d never had sex like this in his life.

“Maria …”

He could get used to this.

“So close …”

Abruptly she slowed.  Levi jerked in response.

“What?!”

She turned those blue-gold eyes to him and grinned wickedly.

“Oh, god, _ fuck _ !  You tease!”

Levi was in agony but at the same time, so, so turned on.

He gritted his teeth and waited, waited for her to tell him what to do to get her hand moving.

Her hand  _ was _ moving actually - in slow motion.  It was torture and ecstasy in one package.  She hadn’t said anything yet and it had been, Maria, 30 seconds already?!

“I’ll be good,” he ground out, “Please …”

“Will you?” she asked.

Oh god, where was obedient, taciturn, Müller?  Where had this gorgeous tease whom he wanted to fuck - more than ever now - come from?!

He made a noise somewhere between a whine and a moan.  Pre-cum dripped down Müller’s hand.

“Please Müller.  Let - ah! - let me cum for you,”

That was the right response.

Müller slowly picked up the pace until Levi’s back was bowed, head thrown back, mouth open.  He jerked suddenly, going rigid.

“I … I’m gonna … gonna cum!  Ahh! Nnnn!  Fuck!  Müller!  Fuck …”

He spattered cum all over himself, Müller, and the tree and fucked his cock up into Müllers hand in a frenzy, riding his orgasm out.

He collapsed onto his back, gasping.  He wondered if he was having a heart attack.  Wasn’t 34 too early to have a heart attack?

He lay almost bonelessly.  That bit of fun had cost him in pain.  His whole left side throbbed 

Sated, he dozed off immediately.

 

When Levi woke in the morning, stiff and sore, muscles screaming in leg and arm, he quickly remembered.

Müller was humming and moving around the fire.

“Müller,” he said softly

“Heichou,” she said, crossing to him.

She sat next to him and Levi stroked everything his right hand could reach

“That was really nice,” Levi said, “last night …”

She hummed and he wasn’t sure if she was paying attention or being polite.

_ Had she hated it?  Had she only done it to get him to be quiet?  Did she think he was disgusting? A pervy old fuck who couldn’t keep it in his pants? _

He didn’t care.  He’d felt like this since she’d first arrived and he would at least tell her.  They were doomed and he had to say what he wanted to say,

“I’d … I’d like to be …  _ inside _ you,” he whispered.

Her breathing sped up.

“It’ll be good.   _ I’ll _ be good,” he whispered, “please let me cum for you again.”

“Heichou,  Isnt it against the rules to be fucking your trainee?”

Levi blanched, it was.

Her tongue peeked out between her teeth, “But if Heichou wanted something … ”  she regarded him from under dark lashes. “he’d surely take it, right?”

_ Oh.  She’s flipping roles.  God!  God, this is so hot! _

Levi was trembling.  He leaned to put his mouth on her throat.  He kissed and nibbled along her neck, sucking lovers marks into her flesh as punctuations to his questions.

“What do you want?  Do you want my cock?  Do you want my cum?”

Müller moaned then, arching her back.

“Please,  Heichou!  Fuck me!  Please!”

Levi knew that was impossible with his injuries but  he had to have his cock buried in her  _ right now _ .

“No, my little tease.  You’re gonna ride me.” he growled.

 

Levi groaned as she bobbed on his cock, taking it an inch at a time into her hot pussy.  When she finally settled all the way down, him buried in her to the hilt, she paused to adjust.  She reached downward and fingered her clit, rubbing tiny lazy circles.

Her pussy clenched him hard

“So tight …” he murmured. “God you feel so good.”

Levi’s breath suddenly hitched.  She could have -minimum- 75% of the male survey corps and she’d chosen _ him _ ?  He was pleased, flattered, surprised and … apprehensive?  What if he didn't meet her expectations?

He stroked the hand that she was fingering herself with,

“That is so hot.  God!  Good girl, what a good, dirty, girl you are,”

She was rocking her hips now, coming off his cock a few inches then back down on his slick shaft.  Her tempo got faster and faster until he was gasping.  Her fingers kept up, pressing and rubbing her clit.  She gave a little cry of pleasure each time she came fully down, all of him inside her.  Her breasts bounced enticingly and he ran a feverish right hand over them, squeezing, stroking, pinching nipples.

Watching her pleasure herself, feeling her pleasuring him … He felt as if he might go insane.  It had been so long.  So long since he was buried in the hot wet center of another human being, a human being who cared about him.  It was euphoric but it also made for getting off very quickly.

“I’m so clo … close,” he stuttered suddenly.

Müller rolled her hips just then with a little circular motion like a hula dancer and levi fell apart.

“Hnng!  Ahng!  Fuck!  Mu-Müller, fuck!  Gonna …”

And he came, his vision whiting out for a second, rutting up into her, unheeding of the pain in his broken limbs.  Müller came as he was riding out his release, grinding down hard on his straining cock.

\---

Levi was dreaming;

 

Levi was sitting on a bench in the sun, like an old man.  Was he an old man?  Had he made it that long?  He had his tea and was just taking a sip when he saw the calico.  She was alive.  No.  Not alive.  A ghost?  Could cats have ghosts?

The little thing looked exactly as she had in life; fluffy fur, beautiful pattern.  The cat-ghost paused in a doorway and rubbed against the jamb.  Levi smiled.  She’d done that a lot in life.

She trotted down the lane a bit then paused, looking at Levi.

_ She wants me to follow? _

Levi got up stiffly and shuffled after.

The cat-ghost led him down an alley and into a small field.  Levi recognised it immediately.  The Survey Corps cemetery.  There were hundreds of stones.  Levi squeezed his eyes shut so as to not see the names.

“Captain!”

Levi’s eyes opened.  It was Petra Ral, sitting on her own tombstone.  She held the calico in one arm and a mirror in her other hand.

“It’s wonderful to see you!”

_ There Levi  _ didn’t reply.  It was a dream after all.

“You’re dying,” Petra said conversationally.  She held up the mirror.   _ Here Levi _ slept peacefully.

“You don’t realise it yet, but you are.  You’ll die soon of dehydration and exposure,”

_ Here Levi _ began to twist in his sleep.

‘It’s not your fault, you know,” petra said.  “We all do the best we can do and that’s all we can do.  We’re not gods.  We can’t make things happen, Captain, by force of will.  We make our choices then live with them.  And everybody should have that right.  I  _ chose _ to join the corps, I  _ chose _ to join your squad, and I  _ chose _ to fight that titan.  Those were  _ my _ choices.  You have to let people make their own decisions.  You can’t lock everyone up in your choices to keep them safe,”

She dropped the mirror into the grass and vanished.

The calico trotted away without a backward look.

That was the last time  _ Here Levi  _ or  _ There Levi  _ ever saw her.

 

They were all still asleep when there was a distinct vibration.

Levi and Müller both woke at the same time.

The tree shuddered.

Levi and Müller locked gazes, alarmed.

It trembled again, this time with accompanying snapping noises.  Brigit ran to the edge of the branch, looking down.

“It’s another titan!  An abnormal!  It’s slamming into the tr--!”

Another massive shudder and Brigit, leaning over thin air, lost her balance.

Levi rolled onto his stomach and howled in pain and fear,

“ _ Müller! _ ”

She staggered, very nearly fell, and just managed to regain her balance.

Levi put his head down on his arms, “Oh thank the walls,”

Brigit, meanwhile began struggling into her 3dm gear, yanking Levi’s sharp blades out of his gear.

“What are you doing?  Müller?!”

“I’m going to kill that big sumbitch, that’s what,”

“No wait. Müller you can’t.  I forbid it.  You’ll be killed!”

Brigit leveled a look at him,

“Are you saying, sir, that you don’t have faith in my ability to take down titans?”

The tree trembled, causing Brigit to stagger.

“Of course not!  I just want you to be sa--”

_ opened the box.  calico was dead.  dead.  dead.  dead. _

Levi shut his mouth, one of the hardest things he had ever done.

Brigit took a running jump off the massive branch, zipping out of sight.

 

The tree rumbled again and Levi could have sworn that it swayed.  He was trying to drag himself to the edge of the branch but one working leg and one working arm was making it almost impossible.

“Heichou?”

Levi almost jumped out of his skin.  He rolled over, good hand up to deflect whatever fresh hell this was.  His recent dreams crowded in on him and if it had been Farlan or Oulo or any of the hundreds of others …

It was Zeifeldt.

“Heichou?  Are you ok?  What’s happening?”

The tall young man was haggared, thin, and sported a fine dark stubble but was alive and seemingly well.

“Zeifeldt!” Levi shouted, “There’s titans!  Müller … Müller …”  He gestured helplessly at the spot she’d lept from.

The younger man walked forward, “She’s fighting them alone?!”

“Don’t get too close to the edge!”

\---

Müller, despite her self confidence lasted about a minute and a half.  The super sized titan never let up ramming the tree, and yet another abnormal - another long armed one - intercepted one of her anchors with his hand then jerked her out of the sky.

 

Müller wasn’t unconscious but she wasn’t conscious either.  She slowly slowly swam up out of the grey depths until she could see where she was.

She’d gotten jerked by a titan, that she remembered.  She’d landed a good six meters down on a leafy branch and almost immediately slid through.

She hung now, upside down, the tallest titan was so close it could just barely not reach her.  Brigit gasped and struggled, terrified.  She looked desperately upwards toward her feet.  Her 3dm straps had caught in a leafy branch and the branch in question was bowed down with her weight. Brigit stilled immediately.  One slip and she’d be titan fodder.

And then the gigantic abnormal stepped back and ran at the tree again.  The impact was intense and the whole huge tree shuddered.

The branch that had snagged Brigit’s 3dm gear snapped and she was falling, again.

For a millisecond she could make neither heads nor tails of the scenery, then a massive hand swept up to her, knocking the wind from her lungs and crushing her in thick fingers.

_ This is it.  I’m going to die.  Getting eaten by a titan.  Was that a noble way to go or a stupid one? _

She was turned briefly upright then swept upside down.  She saw teeth.

_ Great.  I hope they find the captain and Zeifeldt.  With no one to gather water and food they won’t last long. _

The titan had creatures on him, like parasites.

_ Super.  I’m hallucinating.  Those look like people.  People feasting on a titan rather than the other way around.  That one kinda looks like Jean. _

“BRIGIT?!”

Brigit blinked.  Auditory hallucinations as well?  She didn’t seem to be getting squeezed anymore.

_ Maybe I’m already inside the titan. _

“BRIGE!”

_ That’s … that’s Connie’s voice.  Am I dead?  No wait.  Connie’s not dead, Connie’s fine.  Then why …? _

Connie springer landed in a crouch on top of her, pinning her to the titan's hand, firing his anchors into the hand to keep them both still.  Brigit could see that the hand no longer had fingers.  They spun sickeningly and then Jean was there, over both of them, his long, tall build making it possible.  He repeated Connie’s move, burying anchors on either side of them.

There was a bone jarring crash and then everything was still.

Finally Connie spoke in a muffled voice.

“Maria, Jean, you big lug, get offa me!”

Both young men were retrieving their lines and anchors.

“I’d hate to be your girlfriend,” Connie groused,

“There’s still time if you wanna try it,” Jean said grinning wolfishly.

“Pervert.  Hey, Brige, you OK?  Maria, you’re thin!”

Jean looked up, 

“Commander Erwin, we got her!”

Brigit saw the blonde hair, the big pale blue eyes full of concern and she promptly burst into tears.

“C-captain Levi!”

 

Hange was checking Brigit over,

“It’s kinda weird me being a medic for the medic,” she said, grinning.

Mike and Jean came slowly up with Levi slung between them on a stretcher.

Brigit took a surreptitious look at him then spoke to Hange.

“That was amazing, you taking out all those titans,”

“Yeah,” Hange said, completely straight faced, “We usually have this guy named Levi who kills all the titans for us.”

Levi scowled at her, 

“Gimme a break, shitty glasses,”

“Geezer probably got himself eaten,” Hange continued,

Brigit smiled down at her hands and that made the corner of Levi’s mouth twitch.

Brigit helped everyone secure their gear and get the two men into a wagon.  Zeifeldt felt good enough to sit up but the trip down the tree had exhausted Levi.

He kept watching Brigit, who wouldn’t come near him, and getting more and more unhappy.  Finally she was called upon to install Levi in his stretcher into the wagon.

As soon as she was close enough, Levi grabbed her hand.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Brigit picked at a loose thread on the blanket,

“I thought maybe you … felt differently now.”

“What?  Why would I?”

“Well you’re not in danger of dying for one,”

“I’m in danger of dying every time I go outside the walls, Müller.  My feelings have nothing to do with that.”

They sat uncomfortably in silence.

Finally Levi spoke,

“You … you haven’t changed  _ your _ mind have you?  I know I’m old and abrasive and have no social skills and I’ve been cumming too quick, but that’s not normal!  You just make me crazy!”

Brigit put a hand over his mouth. He took it, kissed it and rubbed his dark stubble against it.

“Nothing could change my mind,” she murmured.

The commander was making his way purposefully toward them.  Brigit stood, wiping the dust off her butt,    
“Unless you have a wife hidden out there somewhere.”

Levi hung on to her hand, “Just the two …”

Brigit giggled and tried to salute Erwin with a straight face.

“At ease soldier,”

Erwin clapped Levi on his good arm hard enough to make the smaller man wince.

“I really thought we’d lost you.  All three of you,” he glanced at Brigit who was hovering over Levi, tucking the blanket in, smoothing his pillow, a tiny smile on her face. He raised his impressive eyebrows at how she touched him.

Levi noticed and when Erwin stared at him he blushed furiously.

“Do we need to have a talk, Squad Captain?”  Erwin asked, trying to look fierce but grinning all the same.

“Yes, Sir, commander.  Yes, I think we do.”

  
  



End file.
